How to Tell a New Partner You May Have an STI

Updated on August 5, 2019

Discussions about sexual health often seem like a taboo in many societies. However, it is your responsibility to ensure that you talk about it with any new partner. Otherwise, you may end up jeopardising your health or that of your significant other. In most cases, people lack the right words to use or don’t even know how to start the conversation. Read on to learn some tactful ways to discuss sexual wellbeing with a new partner.

You should discuss your sexual health if:

– You have a new sexual partner

– You want to have sex for the first time

– You have contracted a sexually transmitted infection and need to inform your partner(s)

What Does a Health Talk Entail? 

You should have a reproductive health talk with your new partner before you engage in any intimate activities, including such things as kissing. The talk aims to ensure that you kick off your intimate relationship on the right principles.

From the talk, you need to know when your partner had an STI test recently, as well as the results. Of course, this is not the time to ask how many partners they’ve had before; you’ll get to know as you learn about each other. The conversation should also lead to a disclosure of whether either of you has had a sexually transmitted infection, and was it treated correctly? You should also discuss safe sex and the use of protection or contraception if needed. You also need to talk about sexual boundaries because both of you have different experiences. Lastly, discuss going for a sexual wellbeing test together before getting intimate.

Tactful Ways to Talk about Sexual Health 

Sexual condition talks aren’t the easiest of discussions, but they can be fruitful if approached in the right way. Here is how. 

Plan ahead 

You need to rehearse the right words to use. You can even practice in front of your mirror. Figure out what answers you will give if your partner asks a particular question. This way, you’ll gain confidence.

Choose the right time 

It is paramount to start the discussion when both of you are relaxed. However, you should not start the topic when you’re about to get intimate; it should be before. Otherwise, your partner could be understandably turned off. Don’t pressure them to talk; it should be a conversation and not an interrogation.

Talk in private 

You can’t start the discussion in a public place, or else your significant other might feel disrespected. Find a quiet and comfortable location. Share your concerns and reassure them that you respect and value them, hence the need for the talk. Remember to alert them beforehand that you want to discuss something vital because you don’t want it to seem like a bombshell. The topic is sensitive and should be approached as such.

What if I have an STI? 

Many people all over the world have, at one time or another, contracted an STI – you’re not alone in this. Sadly though, people dealing with STI’s face stigma and intimidation from society. However, if you have an infection, you need to inform your partner so they can decide whether to proceed with your sexual relationship.

All the same, you should expect that your partner may become angry and end the relationship, or they may be supportive and continue dating you. The fact is that, by disclosing any issues you have had in the past, you will at least start your relationship with honesty. You might be surprised that your partner will thank you for letting them know, and the relationship may last forever. Here are some ways to inform your partner of the infection.

Brace yourself with information 

The chances are that your partner may ask many questions about the STI. Many people remain ignorant of different sexually transmitted infections. But it is possible to have a sexually fulfilling relationship without putting your partner at risk. For instance, HIV/AIDS is not curable, but your partner can remain free of the disease if they take the right measures. If you can’t explain, you can visit a health practitioner together who can answer all the questions on your behalf.

If the STI is treatable, let your partner know whether you’re undertaking medication and also the progress. If you’re too embarrassed you see your doctor in person, many online doctor services offer treatment for certain STI’s so you can afford an in-person consultation.

Have the chat in a secluded place 

The talk should take place in the most convenient location. Assure them that the reason you want to disclose your sexual wellbeing is that you value them, and would only want them to be intimate with you after they know the truth. At the end of the talk, encourage them also to get tested.

Expect anything

After the talk, you’ll know whether your relationship is stable or you have to part ways. If your potential sex partner decides to call it quits, it’s not your fault – move on with life. Probably you weren’t meant to be. If they accept and support you, then treasure them.

Sexual health talks aren’t the best of discussions for any couple. However, it is paramount to ensure that both of you remain healthy. If you have an STI, you need to discuss it with your partner so that they can get tested as well. However, the talk needs to be held in a secluded and quiet place. Also, ensure that your partner doesn’t feel pressured to talk. It should be a mutually fulfilling talk.

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